At A Crossroad

Right or Wrong Decisions

By Phylameana lila Desy

I'm not so certain that I'm the best person to offer anyone sage advice regarding decision making. But I do think it is an issue that each of us are faced with on a daily basis throughout our lifetimes and thus worth discussion. I often tell people that caution is my middle name since I can sit on making a decision for a very long time before acting upon it.
Sometimes I will procrastinate on making a decision because I'm not clear on what I really want. Other times it is because the unknown factors of how a decision may affect me in the future scares the bejeepers out of me. Occasionally the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" will get whispered in my ear by an inner voice to help give me a needed nudge forward. Other times feelings of dread will build inside my being simply by a mere thought of making a change. I will then heed that dread emotion as a signal to think twice before taking the plunge. Using your gut instincts can be very helpful in decision making.

Taking the Plunge When Making Decisions

Truthfully, I almost never take a plunge into anything without mulling it over twice, or even thrice. At times I feel disgusted with myself for not being able to joyfully jump into things full-heartedly, instead I'm generally testing the water with my toes beforehand. I don't particularly like water bubbling up my nose. I realize that I tend to over analyze situations, living in my head too much. By not allowing my heart to beat any extra beats, I often feel as if I am stifling my creativity in these moments. At the same time I figure I've probably saved myself plenty of headaches by not routinely making quick misjudgments.

Stop, Caution, Go

Decision makers can be categorized in three groups. These groups correlate with a traffic stoplight.

• Red lights These are individuals who often feel frozen in fear when faced with making a decision. They are resistant to change and have great difficulty making decisions. They tend to have to have the rug pulled out from under them before they will move to safer ground.
• Yellow lights These people are caution oriented individuals who will look both ways before venturing into the traffic. They will weigh the pros and cons of any given situation before deciding.
• Green lights Here are the adventuresome type. They leap without looking, figuring that all will go well (they have the right-of-way after all). These people could use a refresher course in defensive driving as they do get themselves in sticky predicaments at times.

What type of decision maker are you?

• Red Light Blocked or Stymied
• Yellow Light Proceed with Caution
• Green Light Right A Way

Answer This Poll

These groups indicate rigid characteristics, Most people fall into a blend of these groups. Each decision we make is different and our reactions will vary accordingly.
We make minor decisions every day of our lives. The decision I had to make yesterday was selecting what shade of throw pillows to go with our new sofa. My husband and I were standing in the Martha Stewart section at Kmart looking over the various pillows. Our sofa's fabric is a sage paisley pattern with brown and burgundy accents. We made a mutual decision and went home with some plush brown pillows. After returning home we soon realized that the brown didn't coordinate nicely with the couch. An hour later Joe drove back to the store and exchanged the brown with some burgundy pillows. They look quite lovely with our sofa. This is an example of a decision that can be easily reversed.
However, life doesn't always seem to allow a retreat option in our decision making. When the decision we are facing is a life changing one is it any wonder we stop dead in our tracks when we come at a these crossroads along our life path?

Below is a quick list of some significant decisions that people are met with. What is decided ultimately impacts their lives for many years that follow.

• Career Options
• Choosing A Vocation
• Education
• Marriage / Divorce
• Pregnancy / Parenthood
• Relocating
• Retirement Planning
• Health Care Alternatives

Collecting Information

Fact gathering and seeking advice is recommended. Advice from a good friend or counselor can be helpful in these circumstances. Sometimes we are too emotionally connected to the situation to see clearly all the details involved in making a wise decision. Whereas someone detached from the drama is likely to be able to show more objectivity. Although we may wish that someone else would step in to make tough decisions for us, the final decision remains ours to make.

Fears of Making Bad Decisions

Over the years I have counseled many clients about decisions they are faced with. Most often they have been either relationship or job related. Normally the problem I feel they are facing is not in making the decision itself, but more trying to move past the fear of making a wrong choice. I will have them imagine the best and the worst outcomes, scripting the different scenarios for each situation to help weigh out the advantages/disadvantages. I also emphasize that there truly are no wrong choices, only different paths.

Alternate Choices

During a period of time when I felt very stuck and could not decide between decision A or decision B, a good friend of mine pointed out to me that by doing nothing (remaining stuck) I had made decision C. Decisions aren't always based on either this or that options, look for door number 3, or door number 4. Stay alert for side exits or hidden entry ways. Our choices are seldom black or white, alternative pathways can be found in the gray areas.

There Are No Wrong Choices

We can't know what all the future holds for us. There are no guarantees. As much as I have struggled with making decisions in my life I am very happy that I have had so many choices offered to me. Yes, I've made some poor choices, but along with those choices came challenges and opportunities that I would not have experienced otherwise. For this reason I do not believe there are wrong or right choices. Whatever decisions we make, they will ultimately thrust us into life situations (both positive and negative). As the opportunities being gifted to us unfold in our lifes we will grow our spirits. And in my humble opinion, spiritual growth was likely the grander plan anyhow.