Loving Actions By P.L. Desy

Continuous effort, not superior strength or intelligence, is the key to unlocking our true potential. —Winston Churchill

Learning to love is like learning to master an instrument or an art. The following is a list of factors these acts all have in common.

Possibility—This includes having the time to devote to the art, and the physical capacity to do it. One can not very well pick up a violin if one’s hands are broken. Time, more often than not, is something that gets in the way of being able to devote oneself to loving.

Commitment—It is much easier to pronounce “I paint” or “I love you” than it is to actually master painting and to unconditionally love someone. Without the wish, will and dedication to work, it will never happen.

Goals—This includes the ultimate goal of mastering the art as well as all the stepping stones along the way. Staying focused on the present is important, yet without an idea of where one is heading it’s easy to get lost.

Instrument—Just as I can not very well master the guitar on a block of wood, I cannot love without an object for my affections. This doesn’t mean a person has to be in a romantic relationship to practice loving—we can practice loving human kind, friends, family, pets, god, and most importantly, ourselves.

Confidence—This does not mean that if you think you’re the best cellist, then you will be. It refers to accepting where you are in your practice. Expecting to be a master on your first try is unrealistic. Mastering an art takes a lifetime, and surely many mistakes will be made along the way.

Patience—Hand-in-hand with confidence, patience is needed to persevere through the low points. If martial arts were easy, everyone would do it. The same goes for love. Truly opening yourself to another, being vulnerable, and accepting the other unconditionally takes a lot of effort. It is a common misconception that “love should just come naturally.”

Model—If I took a person who has never heard music, gave him a clarinet and said, “play me some jazz,” he would not have the foggiest idea what I was talking about. In love, we model our behavior after those who influence us—whether it be from family, friends, a religious figure, mentor, therapist, or books.

Discipline—Practice makes perfect. Even when you’re tired, or when you’d rather just watch a movie, you’ve got to push through and always remember to keep at it.

Persistence—Working closely with confidence, persistence requires having faith in the process of learning. That even though you don’t get it all now, if you keep at it, eventually you will.

Environment—A safe space to learn, practice, make mistakes and try again is also needed. A ballet dancer needs a studio with a bar, and a lover needs freedom to explore and express his or her feelings.

How Goals and Goal Setting Lead to Success

Influencing the subconscious mind to achieve goals is the secret to success. We all do it, almost on a daily basis, without realising it. If you are unaware of the process, then consider the following.


As an example, if you are in a job situation and you have to be in the office by 9.30 a.m., then unconsciously you have set up "being in the office by 9.30 a.m." as your aim and all your planning from the night before is done so that you realise it.

If you require 8 hours of sleep, then you are in bed by 11 o'clock, you get up at 7 o'clock, brushing, bathing, toilet, etc. are over by 8 o'clock, breakfast and paper reading are completed by 8.30, dress and leave the house by 8.45, and drive to the office at such a speed that you reach by 9.30.

Thus, unknowingly, you have planned and achieved, what management science terms as probably the most important action in achieving success : setting goals and achieving them.

It can be seen that goals are central to anything and everything that we do in life. They are as essential to success as air is essential to life. Without them you are headed into nothingness. To quote Seneca, "If a man knows not what harbor he seeks, any wind is the right wind." For more such quotations, click here.

So, what is their definition and how to achieve them?


A goal is an objective, a purpose. It is not just a dream. A dream becomes a goal only when it is acted upon. Also, it is common knowledge that in order to achieve success, one has to set smart goals. These are the ones that bear fruit.


According to a survey 27% of the people surveyed had no idea about their future; they not only did not know where they were going but probably did not even know whether they were going or coming. 60% had a vague idea about their future, 10% had mental and only 3% had written down their dreams.


A few years later it was found that the 27% who had no idea about their future were living on government welfare, the 60% who had a vague idea about their future were earning just enough for survival, the 10% who had it in their mind were earning three times their earlier income and only the 3% who had written down their dreams had achieved almost all of them and had become wealthy.

There are three essential steps in achieving your dreams:


1) Decide and be precise:

Sit down undisturbed at least for half an hour and think about what you want in life 5 or 10 years from today. Be absolutely clear.


If you want to be rich, don't just say to yourself that you want lots of money. Specify the amount, 1 million in savings, 1 million in investments, etc.




If you are in a job situation, specify the exact rank or post you would like to hold. And most importantly, specify the exact time limit in which you would like to achieve all this.




2) Write it down:


Next, write down all these dreams of yours in a special book. Call this your DREAM BOOK. Also, whenever you come across a picture or drawing of your desired object, like a house, a car, a vacation resort, an air conditioner, a computer, whatever, cut out the picture and paste it in this book.


Psychologists say that our mind is most affected by visuals, then by the written word and then by what we hear. You must have heard the adage that a picture is worth a thousand words.


3) Hammer it in:


Daily, without fail, either early in the morning when you get up or late at night just before going to sleep (preferably at both times), go through your dream book.

Daily viewing of the dream book pushes all your dreams into your subconscious mind which then starts dictating your actions in such a way as to realise them.

4) Keep your mouth shut:

This is very important. Never tell your plans to anyone. When you declare your dreams to the world, it seems to have a diluting effect on your ability to achieve them.